


Observations

by squishyshoma



Series: and I would give it all to you [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 05:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14348865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishyshoma/pseuds/squishyshoma
Summary: Yuzuru writes a story about the love of his life.





	Observations

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, so while most of it isn’t accurate, I hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Arrogant. 

The first thing Yuzuru noticed, is how arrogant he was.

He was pulling triple axels like they were nothing, glaring at everyone who dared to get in his way.

His coach was shouting something at him, but Yuzuru couldn't make out what it was. Either way, he ignored it without a second thought and continued on with his practice.

Who was this kid? Yuzuru wondered.

"Shoma Uno." His coach responded as if he had read his mind. "He did really well in juniors last year and he's making his senior debut here." 

Yuzuru scoffed. This Shoma kid had nothing on him. He could take a junior skater easily. 

\---

"Can not win this!"

"Yes you can! You're the best skater here!" 

"I not win. I not beat..."

Yuzuru wasn't sure who Shoma was talking to, but he wished he heard the end of that sentence. Who did Shoma not think he could beat? 

Could he beat me?

Yuzuru silenced those thoughts. 

You're an Olympic gold medalist. He's a nobody junior skater.

It made Yuzu irrationally angry. Who did he think he was?! 

Yuzuru was absolutely positive that he had to win this competition. 

And that he hated this Shoma Uno character.

 

Clingy.

The second thing Yuzuru noticed is how clingy Shoma was.

Christ, he couldn't even go out to eat with his friends without someone suggesting that they should invite Shoma.

Sure, he looked a little lonely. But as far as figure skaters go, he was the outcast. Small, feminine, and pretty different from just about all his competitors. 

It also didn't help when Javier agreed that, yes, Shoma looked lonely. And yes, we should invite him to dinner. 

Yuzuru felt like shouting YOU BETRAYED ME! 

He was like a lost puppy. He didn't really fit in anywhere, but he tagged along anyway. Everyone else seemed to love him after all, pinching his cheeks and trying to make childlike conversation with him. 

"Yuzu! You're the only one who speaks Japanese! You can be the translator!" 

Yuzuru sighed. 

"Hello, Hanyu-San." Came a timid voice from the other direction.

Is there any was I could get out of this? No? 

Yuzuru turned to look in the other direction and Shoma bowed. 

He supposed he would have to be the translator. 

Not for Shoma, he reasoned, for my friends. 

"Hello, Uno-San."

 

Annoying.

The third thing Yuzuru noticed is how annoying Shoma is. 

He shouldn't have ever spoken to the younger man.

Now it was "Hanyu-San" this and "Hanyu-San" that.

Why couldn't Shoma just leave him alone?!

They were competitors right? They were competing in two days.

And Shoma wouldn't leave him alone!

Initially, Yuzuru thought it was just a strategy. Shoma was trying to distract him so he could beat him.

But it wouldn't work on Yuzuru. Shoma could lie all he wanted.

He even went as far as to say, "Jesus Christ Shoma, just leave me alone!" 

And from then on, he did.

\---

"Yuzu?" Javi asked timidly, afraid to upset his temperamental friend, "did you ever consider that Shoma just wanted to be your friend?" 

Yuzuru laughed. "Where did you get that idea from?" 

"He told me." Javier stated, "that he looked up to you, and wants to be your friend."

Yuzuru realized that, perhaps he was the crazy one after all. 

How could someone like Shoma look up to someone like him?

The next morning, when he saw the younger man, he said, "hello Uno-San!" 

But he did not get a response.

 

Sad.

The fourth thing Yuzuru noticed was that Shoma was sad.

His eyes were downcast. He didn't talk much. He fell on a lot more of his jumps.

Yuzuru thought he hated the kid, he really did.

But he couldn't stop thinking about it...

Did Shoma really look up to him?

Maybe he had just ignored it all along. 

How would he feel if one of his beloved idols told him to leave them alone?

Either way, he wasn't about to let his kohai make a senior debut like this. 

He hadn't landed a single quad. Not acceptable.

Yuzuru couldn't help but feel partially responsible for Shoma's melancholy mood. 

If only he hadn't been so quick to judge.

"Shoma-kun! Wait!" 

Shoma turned around, confused, to find Yuzuru running after him. 

"How was your practice?" Yuzuru asked. 

"Bad." The younger man replied. "Fell on quads. Not okay." 

"Everyone makes mistakes Shoma-Kun." 

"I must be perfect. I'm sorry for bothering you." Shoma bowed and scurried off to the locker room.

"Wait!" Yuzuru cried, "I'm sorry! You're not bothering me!" He chased after Shoma to the locker room. Another in his series of bad ideas.

"Stupid asthma." He mumbled, running after Shoma.

"What's wrong with you?" Of course Yuzuru would get stopped by his coach. Of course.

"Just running." Yuzuru brushed past his coach without a second thought. 

"Wait! Your asthma! Did you take your inhaler?"

He ignored it.

 

Insecure.

The fifth thing Yuzuru noticed is how insecure Shoma was.

"I am sorry for bothering you, Hanyu-San. I will leave you alone now." 

"You're not bothering me." 

Shoma didn't respond.

"I'm sorry I even said that Shoma-Kun. I should have been more careful about what I say."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

Yuzuru started talking without even thinking. It was a thing he did sometimes, an awful habit that only showed itself at the very worst of times.

"Well I talked to Javi and he told me you talked to him about me and it made me realize that maybe the reason I hated you was because I was intimidated by you and afraid you would beat me." 

Shoma started laughing. 

"You thought I would beat you? That's the funniest thing I've heard in forever!"

"How is that funny!" Yuzuru cried.

"How would you feel if Plushenko said he thought you were going to beat him?" 

"But he is the best skater ever! Not a fair comparison!"

"That's how I feel about you." Shoma whispered. "For me, you are not just a person. You are an unattainable goal. Something I have always been striving for."

"I believe in you, Shoma-Kun." Yuzuru felt awful. 

Shoma bowed.

"Thank you, Hanyu-San."

 

Small.

The sixth thing Yuzuru noticed was how small Shoma was. 

When he took his hand as they were bowing to the crowd after their exhibition, he realized just how tiny the man was. 

His hand fit neatly inside Yuzuru's own, like they were two puzzle pieces who's sole purpose was to be together.

He put a stop to that thinking very fast. 

It was dangerous thinking that lead him no where good.

But he couldn't stop noticing how small Shoma was. 

His tiny hands, small skates. Hell, even his costumes were tiny and Yuzuru was fascinated by it. 

Yuzuru felt like he could wrap his arms around Shoma and practically suffocate him he was so small. 

He was endlessly captivated by Shoma's smallness. 

How could someone so tiny be so powerful? 

It was one of the few mysteries he would never understand.

And his fascination with Shoma would only grow.

 

Fragile.

The seventh thing Yuzuru noticed was how fragile Shoma was.

Not physically, but emotionally.

He would call Yuzuru crying— by this point the pair had already grown close enough that they skyped almost every day— because someone had said something that offended him, or he couldn't land a jump and was stressed out.

At first Yuzuru thought it was funny. He interpreted it as Shoma having no backbone and being unable to take criticism.

But that changed when Shoma called him one day, crying and with a black eye.

He refused to tell Yuzuru what'd happened, only reassuring him that he was not as weak as he looked. 

This prompted a week of lost sleep for Yuzuru, too worried for Shoma to even think about closing his eyes. 

Luckily for Yuzuru it didn't take much research to find his coaches number.

And after five minutes of very awkward small talk, he got what he needed. 

The knowledge that the people always hurting his Shoma were the other skaters at the rink. 

And Yuzuru was absolutely not okay with this information.

 

Strong.

The eighth thing Yuzuru noticed is how strong Shoma was. 

And not just physically— although he could easily pick up someone of Yuzuru's weight.

After learning about the nasty words and punches that were thrown at Shoma on the daily, he called him every evening— even though it meant he had to stay up until three am Canada time.

Everyday he would ask the same questions. 

"How was practice?"

Shoma would always respond, "good." 

Then he would ask, "are you okay?" 

And Shoma would always hesitate before answering, "yes." 

\---

"Are you okay?" Yuzuru asked the same question he did everyday.

"Uh... yes." Shoma replied. Just as he always did.

But Yuzuru couldn't take it anymore. He could see the bruises on Shoma's face and they were bothering him more than anything.

"No, you're not." Yuzuru insisted. "What happened today?"

"I can't tell you." Shoma cried, "you will think I'm weak." 

"I would never." 

Shoma shook his head.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Yuzuru asked. "I already know what happened. Your coach told me."

Shoma started crying his eyes out. Mumbling, "why does everyone hate me?"

Yuzuru hadn't known it then, but in that moment he fell wildly in love with Shoma Uno.

 

Kind.

The ninth thing Yuzuru noticed was how kind Shoma was.

To everyone.

Even people who didn't deserve it.

Like when they went to Japan nationals later that same year. 

And Yuzuru got to witness— though he hadn't wanted to— all the rude comments first hand. 

The worst part was that Shoma didn't fight back. He didn't argue or fight or anything. He just hung his head and... took the insults. 

Of course he acted like it didn't bother him, but it did. He knew it when he fell asleep crying in Yuzuru's arms that night.

It hurt Yuzuru to see more than anything else. Why would anyone want to hurt Shoma? 

He wished the other man would fight back and not take the abuse like this. 

But he was too kind. Shoma refused to fight back against the hate because he "did not want to become the hater." 

He wouldn't even let Yuzuru do anything. Shoma made him promise he wouldn't hurt anyone on his behalf. 

Begrudgingly, he promised.

He'd begun to notice that Shoma had him wrapped around his little finger.

And he would be willing to do anything to keep it that way.

 

Helpful. 

The tenth thing Yuzuru noticed was how helpful Shoma was. 

Even when he should be celebrating his own victories, he was helping Yuzuru instead.

Worlds 2017. The year before the Olympics and the year Yuzuru was hellbent on getting his world title back.

Also the year he skated one of his worst career short programs ever.

So Yuzuru skipped dinner that night. And breakfast the next morning. He also didn't sleep. 

He watched and rewatched his short program, making a list of all his mistakes and studied them until he had them memorized. 

He would not make the same mistakes again, he was sure of that. 

Until Shoma came in and ruined it.

"You need to stop wallowing in your own self pity." He said, taking Yuzuru's list of mistakes and tearing it up. "This isn't healthy." 

"Hey!" Yuzuru cried, "how am I supposed to know what not to do tomorrow?!" 

Shoma glared at him. "How many times have you watched that video? I'm pretty sure you have all your mistakes memorized." 

"But I need to know them all! If I don't skate perfectly tomorrow than there's no way I'll get my title back!" 

"You're Yuzuru Hanyu." Shoma whispered, "if there's anyone who can do it, it's you."

 

Beautiful.

The eleventh thing Yuzuru noticed was how beautiful Shoma was. 

The darkness of his eyes,

The softness of his skin,

The sharpness of his jawline.

Yuzuru was whipped. 

The Olympic champion was much braver than usual, still riding the high of his win.

It was a feeling he'd never experienced before, sure he won other competitions, but it wasn't too often you could call yourself an Olympic champion.

Yuzuru suspects that's why all this happened. He'd been there once too, feeling invincible with the gold medal around his neck.

And now it was Shoma's turn.

"Congratulations!" He whispered the word as though not to wake up the other sleeping athletes in the Japan house.

"Thank you." Shoma said, taking a few steps closer and wrapping his arms around Yuzuru's neck. "I could say the same to you." He whispered in the older man's ear.

"I did not win." Yuzuru whispered. "But if there is anyone I would like to lose to, it is you." 

Shoma burried his head in Yuzuru's shoulder. "That must mean I'm pretty special than... hmm?" 

Yuzuru could tell by the tone of Shoma's voice exactly where he was going with this.

And he wasn't too upset about it.

Neither of them wasted anymore time, one of them kissed the other— Yuzuru could not for the life of him remember who.

It wasn't either of their first kisses, but it was their first kiss together, and therefore it made his whole body light up just like the first time.

It was beautiful.

 

Needy.

The twelfth thing that Yuzuru noticed was how needy Shoma was.

This sounds like a negative, but Yuzuru loves it.

It was one thing he hadn't been anticipating when he moved in with Shoma, all the way back in Sendai where he'd started.

He loved Shoma's neediness though.

When Shoma would wake him up in the middle of the night and kiss him, and pull him closer, and say, "I just wanted to make sure you were really there. That I really had you." 

And Yuzuru always said: "you'll always have me. Don't forget." 

Or sometimes Shoma would pause a conversation mid sentence to ask, "you love me, right?" 

And Yuzuru always said: "more than I've ever loved anyone or anything." 

Perhaps it was anxiety driven, perhaps not, but Yuzuru loved Shoma's neediness more than anything.

Because to him, it was a reminder that Shoma needed him as much as he needed Shoma.

It was like the oxygen he breathed. Without Shoma, Yuzuru was not quite sure he could survive.

And the little reminders that Shoma wants him and needs him for his own survival were vital to him.

Loving.

The thirteenth thing Yuzuru noticed was how loving Shoma was.

When Shoma fell in love, it was like his entire world ended. 

"How was practice?" Yuzuru asked one day, while they were on a Skype call.

"Bad." 

"Why?" 

"Because I was distracted the entire time." Shoma admitted.

"By what? Nobody hurt you, right?"

Yuzuru was under the impression that that stopped after the Olympics. No one was stupid enough to try to hurt the Olympic champion.

"No." Shoma said, "I was distracted by someone else."

He didn't say it, but Yuzuru knew. 

"I can't wait to see you, Yuzu-kun."

"Only forty-three more days, Sho-chan, then we'll never have to be apart ever again." 

It wasn't until those forty-three days later that they were able to move in together.

And Shoma didn't let go of Yuzuru for nearly two days.

He was perfectly fine with that. His new obsession was waking up next to Shoma.

Night time was Yuzuru's new favorite. Because that was when he Shoma would hug him and tell him how much he loves him. It was when Yuzuru would list off all the reasons he loves Shoma— either in his mind or out loud— just so he could be sure he never forgot. 

And it worked, he never did. 

 

Perfect. 

The fourteenth thing Yuzuru noticed was how perfect Shoma was. 

He noticed it when Shoma was cooking dinner.

Or when Shoma was folding laundry.

Or when Shoma and him went for a run.

Or when they went on one of their many dinner dates.

It was his best observation so far.

And for now at least, it would be his last. 

There were many more things that he could observe about his lover.

But for now, perfect would have to do.

Because Yuzuru could now think of a word good enough to describe Shoma.

I love you.

\---

I set down the pen on my desk. And folded the last paper, and putting it in the envelope titled: observations.

This was it. 

The biggest moment of his life 

"Shoma!" I cried.

"I'm in the kitchen!" 

I took a deep breath and ran down the stairs.

"Here." I shoved the envelope in his face. "Read it." 

Shoma opened the envelope and read our story from the beginning. 

"Yuzu... it's beautiful... but why did you give our story an ending?" 

"Because, Sho. I'm ready for the next chapter. I love you more than I ever thought possible. I love you with my whole heart and my entire being. I can't live without you Shoma... will you marry me?" 

I got down on one knee and pulled out a ring. 

"Oh my god... oh my god Yuzu. Yes, I will marry you."

Shoma is crying as he kneels down and throws his arms around me. "I love you so much." 

I smile. "I love you too. And I can't wait to see where else our story goes."


End file.
